0345806735 (N) by Judy Greer

Author:Judy Greer
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Humor, Form, Entertainment & Performing Arts, Personal Memoirs, Biography & Autobiography, Essays
ISBN: 9780385537889
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2014-06-15T21:46:28+00:00

JANET

Dear Judy,

You asked me to write a little something about being friends with you. I’ve been procrastinating, trying to think of the perfect little something to sum it all up, and basically I’ve boiled it down to this.

You know how we wanted to be John Cusack’s girlfriend because we saw what a great boyfriend he was in Say Anything? Or how we’re convinced the world is wrong and Gwyneth Paltrow would be so much fun to be friends with? How we constantly romanticize the characters and celebs and assume that who they are on screen, or in magazines, translates to real life?

Well, I am the best friend of the girl who always plays the best friend—the girl in the movies that probably tons of girls think, “I’d totally be friends with her.” I am best friends with Hollywood’s go-to best friend.

But here’s the thing, you’re fucking better than all those snarky, quippy, perfectly-made-up-to-look-not-as-pretty-as-you-really-are characters. The real, unscripted you is a thousand times more interesting than any character you’ve ever played.

The real, unscripted you doesn’t always have the perfect comeback. You don’t always have good advice (remember when you told me to wear headphones to block out my baby’s crying?). You cry fifty-five times a day. You quit too easily. You love Subway. You don’t wash your hair enough. You frequently make people uncomfortable by walking around your house naked. You feel sorry for yourself, like, all the fucking time. And your car smells like dog.

You have your shit together but, girl, you are a disaster. And I love it.

I couldn’t be friends with Red Carpet you. Because Red Carpet you is just someone else’s version of you. I’ll take the real thing any day.

Crying now. Fuck.

Love to you my best-est best friend. Don’t start getting too good at life—or we’ll have a problem.

XOXO,

Janet

(AND THEN THERE WAS THIS TOO)

On Fri, Jun 14, 2013, at 11:44 AM, Judy wrote:

Now I’m crying for a 5th time today. 3 times in spinning this am, once in Old Navy. Why do you have to be so awesome? It makes me miss you more. Next week? Let’s get together and get emotional.

Oh, and these were really cute at Old Navy. Have them both now. http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=26193&vid=1&pid=385340002 in the lightest color. http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=26193&vid=1&pid=387492012

I got a 4 and it’s a little big, but your boobs are bigger so it would probably fit you. I’m going to have mine taken in because it was so cheap and so cute.

in tears,

judy

On Fri, Jun 14, 2013, 11:52:52 AM PDT, Janet wrote:

And the last, best reason I’m friends with you …

You just said my boobs are bigger than yours.

LOLA

OK, Lola hasn’t sent one in yet, because she’s being fabulous with her fabulous husband in Mexico, so I will write hers for her. In my fantasy, it would go something like this:

Judy is everything to me. More important to me than my husband, my children, my stepchild, even my parents. In fact, the only thing I love more than Judy is … never mind. There is nothing.

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